Don’t Wait to Have it All Together
In Blog, encouragement, perspective 11 commentsAug 28
She stood in front of me with dark chocolate eyes, speaking into mine.
Your message, she said. It moved me. I want to serve God. But I just don’t know if He can use me. You have no idea how damaged I am.
She was right about the last of it: of her damage, I did not know. But my finger found her cheek, catching one of the dozen falling tears on it’s way down to her chin. I knew this woman, even though I didn’t.
Because, you see, despite how many things we ever get to do for God, there is always a place inside that feels like we don’t deserve to do more. And in that undeserving space, the mind wonders if another opportunity will ever come.
It’s a widely held belief: that in order to serve God we must first have our life together.
We won’t always say this out loud. We may, in fact, deny it’s viability if asked. Instead we will say things like I am messy, and that’s ok and I am far from perfect…we will be open about our mess and honest about our struggle, but only to a point and on our terms because that, too, is in our control.
Because in our honesty and our service to God sometimes we long to do even that, perfectly.
And so we sit like an elderly with afghan over lap and watch the sun rise and fall for days, waiting for that perfect serving God day to come. And it doesn’t.
And when it doesn’t we swear that life has proven our point, once again – that we are not worthy, not good enough to do wild things that matter for God, for He has not chosen us. We have successfully stifled our own productivity and silently lamented that He has found someone else far more usable.
But what if we decided, even today, that we would stop making this about us, stop trying to control the way we serve God, not let another day brighten and fade before we start moving?
What if we rested in the raw truth about ourselves without needing to dress it up or come out of it perfect: the broken and needing a Healer part?
What if we said prayers like: God, I’m probably not the best you’ve got but I’m maybe one of the most willing and would you just compensate for the rest?
For the heart that truly wants to serve God, will — even the one that doesn’t always feel worthy.
Because the truth is, we need our damage to remind us of His perfection.
Something we, ourselves, will never know until we no longer live down here.
*Conversation: Be honest: do you sometimes feel like others are more worthy of serving God than you? How can this mindset change?
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After I finished U.S. Army Special Ops training and while processing into my unit
at the Pentagon before leaving for Vietnam I got into a conversation with a soon to be retiring Army Master Sargeant who had seen it all. He said to me ”Cantone I don’t know
if your going to make it back and I dont know how good you’ll be when it hits the fan but I can tell you who the best will be. Its not the biggest, the baddest, the toughest, the hardest, the smartest, the best shot, the one who got the most out of the training or the one with the most guts. Its the one who’s willing. Being willing encompasses all these other qualities. The one who is willing to do what it takes no matter what, even if he dies, will always complete the mission. He will always be the best.
That. Was. Awesome.
That’s a great way to put it!!
Oh yes!! Your question takes me back 4 years ago when we were planning our first retreat, a vision God had put on my heart. As things unfolded I wrestled with it all…the doubt, not measuring up, others being more qualified, feeling like I didn’t deserve to be a part of this, really not feeling worthy. A friend even said to me, “Jill, you still don’t feel worthy of this.” She was right and years and 2 more retreats later I still don’t.
My change has come by pulling a word apart – I may never feel worthy, but He is worth it!! It’s not about me…back when I wrestled thru all of this I shared a conversation with God basically one where I questioned all my blessing and opportunities and it came down to me asking Him, “Who am I?” He gently whispered back, “No Jill, Who Am I?”
Lisa just last night I came across a post of yours I printed off in early ’11 that sums up how this change happens – we get over ourselves!!! When our eyes are on Him, we see His power, strength, story and that makes a huge difference. And like Joseph said when we are willing, God is able to do things we never expect!! He is the worthy one!!
Thanks for stirring some thoughts!!
All the time. The enemy loves to stir up those thoughts. It is a very effective deterrent to serving the Lord. Thank you, Lisa, for reminding me to be willing in my brokenness and messiness. Blessings.
I’ve absolutely felt that way. And, honestly, I have to overcome that time after time because I expect a lot out of myself. Apparently more than God does, which is ridiculous, right?! But I recognize those feelings as a ploy of the enemy. He has no new tricks…discourage and distract, that’s what he does. Whatever he can do to discourage and distract us from doing the work God’s called us to, he does it. Many times that’s telling us we’re not good enough. Unfortunately, at times, I have listened to him and been crippled. Instead, I have to fill my head with God’s Truth which says I am called, excepted and loved, perfectly, flaws and all.
Thanks for yet another great post, Lisa! You bless and challenge me time and time again.
Lisa;
For years I have struggled with feeling unworthy and have spent money and time trying to make myself good enough. I know the call on my life is to encourage and edify other women who struggle with this and have come to believe that my journey can be a help, not a hindrance. Sharing it may give someone hope or permission to step out in faith into their own God-given calling.
Like you said, we have to stop making our calling about ourselves and make it all about God. And as Joseph said, we must be willing. Even if we don’t feel that we measure up, God must see us as enough because He chose us.
Thanks for a great message.
Monica
Your posts are always so awesome and “slap you in the face” good. So grateful for your heart.
Not sure, but I think you’re missing a word in this statement: Your message, she said. It moved me. I want to serve God. But I just don’t (know) if He can use me. You have no idea how damaged I am.”
Thank you, Sundi Jo…and for taking notice of my shortcoming.
Off to correct! {and grateful I don’t have to wait to blog to have it all together 
}
Thank you Lisa! Once again you hit the nail on the head. I feel unworthy everyday but if you really stop to think about it, we are unworthy but God doesn’t care. He decides who gets to give His message and where and when. It seems our only job is to show up and be willing. (Easy for me to say here but living it is different)
I can never tell enough people that God loves us in our messes the most. I also believe other people love us the most then too. It makes them feel better to see that no one really has “it all together” and we are all broken and in need of a Holy, Loving God who takes us and makes us Whole again.
Keep up the good work.
Be Well,
Lina
I love this! I am so broken and smashed. I’m torn to bits and was ready to give up yesterday. I was in a dark place, I just knew there was no way God would ever use me again. I just knew that even though I’m where I’m supposed to be that I was faking all of it, and nothing good was coming out of my service. My heart was wrong, my efforts were for the wrong reasons. So, I was done. I quit. God was done with me and I was going to throw in the towel! D.O.N.E done!
But, of course, that’s not what God had/has planned for me. Giving up is not an option. My best friends texted me from 10:30 until well after 6:00 and then again this morning. They held my virtual hand and over and over again told me that God is using me – that they are just a broken and messed up. Life is sloppy, ugly and messy, but that’s only part of it – a tiny part of it. Life is beautiful and amazing and awe-inspiring. Full of love. God will use us how He sees fit, and He will put people along side of us that will remind us that we are all broken and messy, but that’s where God uses us the most. It’s where we’re the most honest. It’s where we’re the most open to receiving Him.
Thanks for this post – thanks for leveling the playing field and showing us that we’re all messy and damaged.