We Start By Telling the Truth
In Blog, courage, truth 30 commentsOct 16
The memory…of nearly losing my mind over what I was reading…is still fresh.
Two years ago at my computer, working, an email containing the Barna research for my book, {w}hole, comes through, and I…girl who craves honesty…begins to react.
Head, shaking…mouthing words of are you kidding me? and you can’t be serious and [a few others I probably shouldn’t say] to a computer screen that if it had a heart, would have broken by my vitriolic protest.
I admit…when I sense dishonesty, I am affected.
Because the Bible I read tells me that the truth is what sets us free (John 8:32), and I’m tired of watching Satan convince us to stay bound out of pride or fear of being honest.
So when I read the polled response of good, churched, Jesus women to tough, yet basic life questions, that paints us as together, flesh defying people, my justice meter goes crazy. It does not match with what I know from my hundreds of conversations with people across the country who have cried in my neck as I prayed with them about their deep and ongoing struggles.
And yet, if I’m to believe the research, the daily struggle is small and only dealt with often by a small few:
Only 3% of women struggle with lust.
Only 5% of women struggle with anger.
Only 3% of women struggle with selfishness.
Only 1% of women struggle with envy or jealousy.
If true, these statistics would excite me: they would be evidence of a most healthy people. But even as I read them now, my heart grieves…because it shows me that with all our resources and advancements…we…the church…still has a long way to go.
Today, as then, my mind wonders:
Will we, the church, ever stop hiding our truth instead of owning it?
Will we realize that secrets and private sin comes with a too heavy price and truth, even when it hurts in the temporary, always brings healing, health and life?
Because the truth is that the church is full of believers who come to church every Sunday broken in half because lust, jealousy and selfishness is our weekday god. And as much as Satan wants to keep it that way, I want to fight against it.
I want us to defy the clutch of sin and start healing, by telling the truth about what is really going on with us.
- So the jealousy, fear, and self-focus that exists in all of us to some degree can be addressed and healthy things can develop.
- So the lust so many of us struggle with can be faced — the porn and distortions of body and sex can be outed so it can exist in its intended, Godly form.
- So the chains of sin and struggle can begin to fall off and we can have a real shot at change, goodness, and fulfillment.
We can look as good as we want on paper, but that doesn’t mean a thing.
Because our life will truly be free when we stop worrying about what our junk looks like to others, and start wanting abundance enough that at all costs, we tell the truth.
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Conversation: What do you make of this research? Do you feel like, as a church, we are still trying to hide our truth…and how do we change that?
**For my female readers: I’ve posted my own truth about jealousy on (in)courage, today. In case you want to…head over there NOW AND READ.
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Hi Lisa,
So what planet was this reseaech conducted on? Planet church you say….smile
I think the reason we have to keep secrets is essentially due to an absence of a safe environmemt in which to admit our addictions and our powerlessness over them. I’m not referring only to the common vices of drugs, porn, drunkennesss and gambling, but all the things we fill the “holes in our souls” with (wealth, pleasure, power, and honour and all the variations thereof produced by self effort).
Only a person can fill the three infinite components of our soul, namely mind, will and emotions. We want to know all truth, we want to do what is right, and we want to feel good as in joyfully content.
We were created in the image of God, and the infinite desires of our souls can only be filled with an infinite and eternal person….guess Who?
The problem is we need a safe environment to recognize and admit our holes, and access each other’s help, wherein God fills us, healing us from hole-i-ness, to wholeness.
Thanks for your honest exposure of reality. It can be a first step to admission, setting us on a journey to surrender, through to healing.
Tom;
Love this!
Monica
Go Tom! Well put!
Yes…it is about the church being a safe environment…I agree. I mean — no where should be safer! (smiled when I read your first sentence. Right?
Lisa,
Seems like God has the same thing on both of our hearts. Check out the prayer gift He gave me for this week. http://prayergifts.net/2012/10/16/real-starts-now-a-prayer-gift-for-christian-women/
I do believe that many Jesus gals have accepted a climate of hidden. When asked, “How are you?” and given the response of, “Fine.” is hidden. It’s been my experience that, “Fine.” normally means “Not really fine but I’m scared to be real because I don’t think you really care.” We need to do a better job being real and caring!
Yes, true, Steph!
Perhaps more than any other person in my life, my daddy has taught me the value of gut-wrenching honesty. I remember one particularly difficult time in my life (my prodigal season), my daddy told me this:
“Elaine, your sins will never damn you, but your secrets will.”
I know he’s right. I know this one.
peace~elaine
That’s good stuff, Elaine. So hope you are well, friend.
Lisa;
Having spent 24 years in the retail, fashion and beauty industries, I watched women shop 3-4 times a week in the stores I worked in. Even though they put on a “good face,” God gave me the discernment to see (when they thought no one was looking) their pain and desperate need for recognition and purpose. Shopping (trying something new to look pretty/acceptable and receiving attention from a salesperson/anyone) filled their holes.
I agree that we need to have safe places for discovery, breaking free and being transparent. Is there a church that has or wants to make the time to let that happen?
My heart is for women to know that they are already whole and have no need to hide. Christ has taken our shame and we no longer need to carry it. We have been given permission and the freedom to live whole.
I will gladly stand with you in finding ways and environments where women (and men) can be who they are – whole.
Monica
Great perspective, Monica. Love how you saw beyond what you saw…to see the need. That’s a true “behind those eyes” moment.
oh man are we in denial!!
this is not at all representative of the flesh and blood women I connect with week after week.
let’s pull our heads out of the sand. and stop lying to ourselves. and each other.
Love how your personal experience with counseling really punctuates and supports what I’m saying in this post, Linda. You KNOW what the struggles are because you hear of them, constantly. Thanks for being a truth seeker, yourself!
Lisa, I’m sure you’ve heard of Celebrate Recovery, an amazing program out of Rick Warren’s church (Saddleback) for “hurts, habits and hangups” that is now worldwide. It is active in several churches in our valley & the largest program is now in a “holiness” church where traditionally noone talked about personal problems. (I was in that church for many years) Our pastors have said they love being with Celebrate Recovery folks because they’re “free”. They’ve brought their struggles into the light & have a place where they and God can openly deal with them. I personally went through two CR stepstudys and was astounded at what God was able to bring to the surface and heal once I was willing to humble myself & let go of any pretense that I ‘had it all together.’
Love this, Iris. It is so refreshing to be around imperfect and owning it…FREE people. May we be among them.
Yes! Let’s hear it for CR!!!
Two days ago this recovering ‘church girl’ experienced what it felt like to be honest with others inside the church and it was not a fun and welcoming experience! My heart breaks for the church, we need to be true, real and honest, we need to heal. We need to experience the heaven here on earth He created us to experience!
I hear this, Nichole. But always…no matter the response…keep being honest and open. It DOES matter!
If only 1% of us struggle with jealousy, then I must represent the entire 1%. This is something that God has been confronting me about recently and your post here and on InCourage today just confirmed it. There’s someone in my life who I’ve “not liked” for quite some time – all for what I convinced myself were very valid reasons. The truth is that I’m jealous of her, therefore, I needed to not like her and find fault with her in order to feel better about myself. I’ve still got some work to do in my soul, but thanks for the words of encouragement and conviction today.
You’ve inspired me by your honesty today, Rachel. So grateful this post was a small piece of encouragement for what God was already stirring in your heart.
Wow! When I first read this, I saw the bolded words first and I thought Oh My, I must be much worse off than everyone else. I struggle with all of those areas on a daily basis. I am always trying to do better, but I can’t say that I am ever going to master it.
Thanks for being honest, Moranda. Despite what we are willing to admit, know that you are so not alone in these struggles!
Oh Lisa, if you were here I would give you a big bear hug!! You are extremely spot on AND my experience is that people do not tell the truth when it comes to surveys. AND I don’t know who it is they survey! Not for any topic. I once heard of a survey about what people said they threw in the garbage vs what the study showed was in the garbage! It was not even 75% correct.
I have been in church in one form or another for most of my life and I can say that “my” church (the one I haven’t physically attended in a year – since we are telling the truth) but watch online, go to support group at, and do a Bible study with is doing well at telling the truth. In fact, our pastor tells his own truth sometimes and makes me cringe or hold my breath for him!! He lets us know he struggles with life too. My point being that the tide is changing but very, very slowly.
We are just barely coming out of an era of “political correctness” back to telling the truth. Generally people are not going to be honest without being in a intimate setting (a conference, support group, dining room table, etc that stirs real feelings)
Though we are moving toward telling more truth we are also becoming zombies who numb out with electronic devices and people don’t know who they are or what they believe not to mention how the feel!
My long winded point being PLEASE take those surveys with a grain of salt as far as your book goes. But yes, do yell from the roof tops about what we need to do to change our bad habits and tell the truth!
Sorry for the long tangent (and I am keeping it short) but I CANNOT AGREE WITH YOU MORE!
Keep up the good fight my friend!!
Be Well,
Lina
I would gladly take that sweet bear hug, Lina. Thank you, as always, for adding your wisdom here. I love hearing from you!
Hi, I have been reading for awhile, but almost never comment. I think that as Christians we so often miss the mark, and I will be blogging about this soon. Because there is a disconnect between what we read, what reaches our hearts, and how we respond.
Now let me say that I am far from perfect!! But I noticed this anew when I returned to church after being gone for over 2 years. (Grace please) It was so great to be back. But what was the one thing everyone seemed to ask me, upon my return…..surprisingly it was “What are you doing these days?” or the varying of “Where are you working?” This deeply saddened me…partly because I am not working…..but mostly because it was a harsh reminder that we as Christians still don’t always get it.
My bible says that I am not to be defined by what I do. What I do does not give me my worth. I am slowly starting to grasp this and attempt to live it out (and it has been a slow process). But it saddens me to see that Christians, more seasoned in the Word than I am, still miss it. It saddens me to see that not only do we miss it, but that we live so entangled in the World that we tend to value one another much the same as non-Christians do based on financial status, and job status. This should not be, as Christians we should know better that it is more about our relationship with God, and that our Worth is defined by God.
I could not agree more, Deanna. Have you read {w}hole? I dedicate 2 entire chapters to exactly what you are saying. If you don’t have it, give me your address and I’ll be happy to send it to you. Glad you commented today!
Actually in full honesty, I have bought the book, and it is on my list of things to read. I just haven’t gotten to reading it yet. I’m currently reading Unglued and doing an online bible study and trying to read Radical, and a few other books. But I am looking forward to reading it, once I can get to it.
I appreciate your willingness to help me get it though, and I hope that my honesty is appreciated here, and that knowing I will read the book is a good thing.
I am sure that I will have plenty to say once I start reading it though.
I have so many issues that I think will be helped by reading the book. I have grown a lot in my faith recently, but I still have a long way to go.
So good Lisa and I too remember seeing it for the first time thinking that is not true. But I have to admit there are times I contribute to the problem…much more in the past, but old habits do resurface at times. I’m leading a study using Lysa T.’s Unglued and tonight will step out and share some unglued Mom moments…not something I really want to do, but what God is leading me to do. If we don’t own our issues there’s no hope in fixing them. Thank you for not putting this issue to the side Lisa it needs to be addressed again and again. Praying this takes us all one step closer to changing it!
Say what? I think they forgot the “not” in those statistics! Another topic I would love for the church to be more vocal about: verbal abuse in marriage!
P.S. – I’m so sad that you weren’t able to cover your mom’s Bible study again last week, but I did really enjoy meeting you and hearing from your heart the week before. Thank you!
Very wrong of me (but truth) to do this, but this would be a main reason I don’t get involved in studies or classes at at church. I’ll get the book and read it on my own, but to sit there in a room for an hour with people who paint their church-face on disgusts me and frankly is a waste of time. I’d rather be down at the homeless shelter or sitting in my living room with an ex-addict who admit their errors and can remove the mask. Its odd how the truth=the Bible, but the church=mask.