Dear Young Women,
I’ve heard you say it: it’s hard to find a good guy these days.
I know. You’ve dated some jerks (or seen plenty around). They’ve jaded your belief that good guys do exist and caused you to inhale multiple chocolate milkshakes on weepy occasion.
Chasing them has made you wish for a different body. It’s made you paint your fingernails the color they prefer, change your favorite things, fall asleep with phone in hand, waiting on the text that may or may not come.
Liking them has turned you into some fire-breathing crazy you never wanted to be. But the jealousy struggle is real. It’s hard to cheer for other young women when they feel like competition and all you seem to notice is their everything better and your everything not enough.
Even sometimes, though I’ll mention this in hushed tones, you gave them your most precious thing…your young, beautiful, God given body…and they didn’t appreciate it like they should have because casual flings and boyfriends never do. You learned this the hard way. (Psst. Living in guilt is no way to live, at all. Please. God forgives and your future relationship can look different.)
About God. Well, yes, that’s kind of a big one. Somewhere in this mess you might have even forgotten about Him – forgot to trust that if there is to be a guy in your future (being single is not a bad thing, you know), He will help you find a good one.
This is not the way it has to be. There are some good guys out there, waiting on you.
to stop settling for pressure and disrespect.
to resolve your insecurities about your body (that, p.s. no man can never fix).
to realize that strength is found in integrity – the guts to say no.
to figure out that you both deserve and desire to be loved and cared for in life.
I should tell you something you may already know. That age old question: why do girls always want the bad boy? — the idea that good guys finish last? Yeah. It’s what the good guys actually think.
Every time I hear a good guy say this, a part of my heart dies.
Because for me, it’s personal. I used to be you, and now I’m older and mother two teenage sons, one who is about to start college, and I’m busting my tail to raise 2 good guys. (Not perfect, mind you. But solid, respectful, integrity-driven, good guys.)
And I want them to know the great girls out there waiting for them that I tell them about really do exist. (Trust me, you aren’t the only ones jaded.)
I want to be able to look them in the eyes and tell them it’s not true – that good guys don’t finish last but good guys win.
I want to. But I don’t know if I can because how can I argue with what, in culture, I too often see?
Speaking of culture: it’s got it all wrong. The bad boys in the movies are impossibly endearing. In the end, they are turned around by the girl’s love. Sigh. If only this worked. If only it were about our power to change someone else…love them enough for them to become good. It just never is.
So I think it will be up to you, young women. This is good, because I believe in us as females, so hard – our ability to discern and be strong and live by standard. I believe in our backbone and determination and strength. I believe in our desire for purity. I know we just want to be loved. I love us, females, and I know we have it in us to pick the right guys.
You’re worth a good guy. You know that, right? How you see yourself has everything to do with what kind of young man you choose.
I want you to prove the good guys wrong. I want what they say and think about finishing last not to be true. I want you to value your body and your mind and the things that make a man a real man.
To stay a virgin until marriage in a culture where the struggle is more real for young men (and you, too, I know) than we will ever fully realize – this deserves respect.
To walk away at the party when everyone else stays.
To see that integrity is the ultimate in manhood and strength, not muscles or fast cars or strings of females in a guy’s past.
To know that the guy who loves God and looks people in the eye and honors his parents and respects people and his very own body by being one of the ones who will still just say no is the man worth wanting, not a man of movie fiction.
You don’t have to settle and neither does he.
My darling girl, you are both a prize.